My future self can deal with it

When you plow through every movie and random-ass episodes of old tv shows (sometimes not quite legally) just to say you watched every single thing a specific actor was in.  I mean, I try real hard.  The first one that truly came out of nowhere was Matt Damon. Like...I saw gifs from Good Will Hunting out in the wild horny jungle that was 2010s tumblr. Borrowed the movie from my aunt because she owns everything. And I was a goner from there. I spent three months watching everything Matt Damon. A lot of it on illegal hosting sites on my very expensive mac because I was living at my parents' house and we didn't indulge in streaming back then, nor have premium movie channels or On Demand or smart tvs or jesus wasn't that just the dark ages?  When I go on this adventure, I learn to appreciate stories and genres that I might not be interested in otherwise. After reading The Road by Cormac McCarthy for a fiction writing class, I never would have guessed a few years later I'd ...

It took me a long time (well into adulthood) to realize life is too short to read shitty books and that I can, in fact, stop reading. Even if it's only been 5 pages. Even if there's only 5 pages left. Fuck it.  In honor of that, here is a brief overview of shows I have not finished. Maybe I'm not in the mood (yet.) Maybe I'll never finish them.  The Wire . I have started and failed twice. Can't get past the first few episodes because they are horrendously boring. However, I've read that everybody thinks that, and once you get past the beginning, it gets really good. I do have faith and one day I will come back to it for a third time. Although people also like to joke about the "white people season" so maybe I'll quit a third time.  The Sopranos . Last year I went on a "I need to watch all the toxic white men prestige tv series of the early 2000s" binge. Mad Men and Breaking Bad I succeeded with. The Sopranos not so much. Aside from its...

Or, why I kind of want to do competition reality.  I'm not a big reality person but I get in these random moods where I want to binge old seasons of Survivor . I watched the first few seasons of the show in real time (who didn't back then?) but didn't keep up with it. I blame Netflix for adding random seasons every once in awhile and my friend who was obsessed with it.  I like to fantasize about what kind of player I would be. I'd like to think I'd play with as much loyalty and kindness as possible, mostly because I don't think I could be a snake. I'm not a fan of the villains--in fact, there's one season I refuse to watch because I found out the winner is a player I can't stand. But I am a fan of the Sandras--the players who seem like a villain because they're just smarter than everybody else. I have no patience for those who are so naive that they are blindsided by gameplay. I also don't like floaters, so I'd have to put in enough effor...

Is it weird I'm not a big re-watcher? My usual mode is trying to find something new, or something old that I never got to the first time around. But some Forever Faves bear multiple re-visits over the years.  I am re-watching Will & Grace from the beginning. I haven't done that probably since it originally ended and it's crazy how funny it still is--I was telling my brother the other day that sometimes I laugh like it's all brand new to me. What a gift.  I know I watched the last few seasons in real time because it was around the time I got into Friends . I couldn't believe my mom went to her weekly aerobics class the night of the series finale, completely missing the pre-finale retrospective. Yes I took (and take) tv way too seriously.  In defense of the original ending: I loved it. I loved it at 16 and I love it now. A co-dependent relationship isn't healthy, and it made sense to me that W&G would grow apart and spend a decent chunk of their lives disc...

In 6th grade,  because I was desperate for someone to relate to me and validate my interests  I told a classmate I couldn't wait for the Emmys that weekend. Her WTF face is burned into my brain for all eternity but hey I was real passionate about Outstanding Lead Actor in a Comedy Series (I still am.) I was also a teenager who wanted to see The Last King of Scotland because Forest Whitaker had won the Best Actor Oscar. I was also a teenager who wanted to see Frost/Nixon because...reasons? Not sure on that one. That shit really makes me laugh now. Also fun fact I didn't see the latter until literally last year. Michael Sheen is delightful.  The local newspaper (yes I am referencing using a newspaper again dammit it was a different time!) used to have a contest where you fill out an Oscar ballot and could win a year's worth of movie passes. I mailed it in throughout middle and high school. My biggest failure was the year I couldn't choose Best Original Song because I ha...

As soon as I woke up on Sunday mornings, I would race to the thick Sunday paper (remember when newspapers were thick?) and flip-flop through the stack until I found my holy grail: the tv guide. I would always start from the back because that's where they listed the week's movies in alphabetical order. I highlighted which ones I wanted to watch or record on our VCR while I was in school.  After each Nickelodeon show, I would read the credits (remember when the credits were full screen and not miniscule?) because I wanted to know the real names of the people playing or voicing my favorite characters.  My mom was a senior when Saturday Night Live premiered in 1975. She used to watch it when the kids she was babysitting were asleep. I grew up listening to her and my aunts and uncles joke about landshark and "I'm Chevy Chase and you're not" and Garrett Morris yelling news for the hard of hearing. When I got into the show around 14, I'd never felt such power wa...

Things that make me feel less alone: Hannah and Marnie dancing to Robyn's Dancing on My Own. Hannah singing Wonderwall while taking a bath. Lena Dunham's existence. Bandit throwing his sadness and hurt and anger into the sea.  Abed being Abed.  Ted telling Tracy he wants those extra 45 days.  Issa hyping herself up in the mirror.  Nick telling Jess he's "kind of fine."  Todd from Bojack being asexual.  Ten telling Wilf, "I think you look like giants."  Janine saying she's made up of "95% Family Matters reruns and 5% Dunkaroos"  Fleabag masturbating to Obama.  Fleabag and Hot Priest's "I love you." "It'll pass."  Phoebe Waller-Bridge's existence.  Judy talking to Alanis in the stars.  Ted Lasso literally telling his team "ain't nobody in this room alone." 

Just finished the book Stealing the Show: How Women Are Revolutionizing Television . It came out in 2018 so it's a bit dated but I guess it's dated in a good way? Because since it came out, so many more tv shows helmed by women are out there and I'm here for it.  The best nugget I learned was there's an episode of Murphy Brown titled "You Say Potatoe, I Say Potato" and goddamn if that isn't the funniest thing I've heard in a long time. Jesus.  Oh I should probably mention what the hell this even is. First and foremost, I think it's a way of coping. Next, it's a way to get out my very intense thoughts about the media I consume. Then, I guess it's about my untapped potential (that's me being very generous with myself) in regards to writing. Who knew obtaining a creative writing degree from a mediocre state school would be useless? (I did. I knew.)  I don't want to be a critic. I want to share joy and other positive emotions I feel ove...